Wintertime sadness

Hey, how are you doing?
I hope you are all fine.
It's the 3rd day though.
Moving on is hard but I'm trying my best on it.
I still cry, at times.
You were once the whole world for me but now I barely know you.
I left you. Things we had been holding on for so long had vanished, without a trace.
No mercy, no grudge, I tell myself.
Whenever I remember back the way we used to be
I realize how much things had changed, how we are no longer the same
We can't go back
I still miss you, I can't lie.
I know I should have just cursed you. SON OF THE BIXXH but I don't, in fact, I wish you are good.
I wish you could control your craving for cigarettes.
I wish you are eating well and you are earning more from your jobs.
I can't stand myself for being so generous as I say "NO MERCY"
Nonetheless, I still care, like before
Everything I had got accustomed to, I have to let go of it.
Perhaps this is the reason why I'm still upset, I had got used to the way of living with you
It is like I have to learn how to live my life all over again without you
You do not know anything.
You do not ever care.
And now it's a wrap